nagachika | IC INBOX FOR MASK OR MENACE

...If you don't want anything to change, then yeah.

[Rejection? Or just... Kaneki being Kaneki.]

If you don't feel the same, I ain't going to force you into anything for my sake.

[ Kaneki's heart squeezes and he isn't sure how to answer this. At all.

Hide is the most important person in Kaneki's life; he'd kill the world for him, and this is not an hyperbole. Kaneki's greatest fear and worst nightmare is to lose him. And if what happened with Nishio-senpai had happened now? Kaneki would have murdered him in less than a second for ever touching Hide. kaneki stalks Hide, Kaneki is thirsty for him.

And there was a person who hurt him a lot. Himself. And he can't forgive that, either. He never will.

Kaneki loves him. So, so much. More than anything. He never thought about it romantically because Kaneki never thought about romance after being turned into a ghoul, since he isn't right and he is a mess, and he probably believes he doesn't deserve any of it. He will just hurt others, so why even dream of such a thing? But he loves this person like he probably will never ever love someone else.

So he feels the same. If not more. And he can't Hide he doesn't feel the same, he can't lie about that.

But Hide must understand what this entails and he doesn't. ]

Nagachika, this usually involve things- [ if Kaneki wasn't panicking, he'd be so embarrassed ]

-intimate, I mean. We can't do those things. [ He thinks it's obvious why not. ]

Edited 2015-06-14 11:13 (UTC)

[The most outstanding thing here, to him, was the fact that Kaneki wasn't turning him down. He was making excuses about being a monster, being crazy, and about not being 'able' to go ahead with things because of what Kaneki is.

Maybe it's a little selfish to disregard the others' feelings in this way; but. When you really do love someone, you really don't pay so much attention to obvious flaws. Especially when they're something that have nothing to do with your feelings for a person in the first place.]

I know. [He doesn't know the exact details of Kaneki's issue, but there's one he can at least guess.] 'I wouldn't want to kiss you with the same mouth I eat people with', or something like that, right?

[All that goes right along with Kaneki's usual arguments, so...]

Isn't it natural to think that? [ he is also so terribly afraid of what he would think if he ever kissed Hide; about his taste.

He doesn't want to ever think that. ]

[He thinks about it for a moment; and honestly, no, it's not unnatural. And honestly he wouldn't want to kiss Kaneki after eating; but--]

Kind of goes both ways, doesn't it? Human food tastes really bad to ghouls, right?

But. No. It's not unnatural. But I really don't think you'd bite me or something.

This isn't about taste. [ it's about being gross, to Hide, who is human.

And it is a bit about taste, but mostly how Kaneki would react to Hide's taste. ]

Are you okay with that? That we will never kiss. [ or do anything else, really. ]

I'm patient.

[He wasn't about to say yes, he's fine with it. Because if he really was going to end up with Kaneki, there was absolutely no promise he'd not try to get close to him in a lot of ways.]

It's not like I'm expecting you to drop all your worries and be with me unconditionally or anything. Come on, this isn't one of your novels.

[ does he think this is simple? Easy? ]

You aren't thinking this through at all. It's because this isn't one of my novels that you should see how this won't go anywhere.

[ keep saying that, Ken, maybe he will listen. ]

[No, he doesn't. Because it isn't easy. How stupid was it, falling for your best friend?

But it's not being made easier by Kaneki's constant arguments and push-backs.]

I've been thinking about it for ages now, don't tell me I'm not 'thinking this through'.

The only thing in the way of us figuring this out is your disgust with yourself.

You haven't once said anything about how you actually feel; all that aside.

[ Hide, no ]

I can't tell you. You will just hold on, and that is unfair.

[ that's an answer.

He just answered. He knows. ]

...

You just told me, you big idiot.

[His hand is over his face, and he's trying his best to keep the dumb grin off it. But he's failing.

Ken, you really are funny.]

It shouldn't be me. You should like a pretty girl. With nice hair. A cute smile. Nice breasts? Instead you get this. How did that happen?

 Sometimes life doesn't take you down the path you expect. Sure, I've hit on and even dated pretty girls here and there, but.

Actual connections take time and dedication. Maybe getting punched in the face by Annie was a good thing. 

It made me think about what I had, instead of continuing to look past it.

I thought I was the romantic one here. What do we do now, Nagachika?

...As if I've got any experience with this at all.

[This is the first time he'll be asking out a Man, after all.]

First thing's first, I guess. If we're going to start dating, are you going to tell me where you live?

[He knows already, but. Hey. Did Touka tell you that after?]

You have dated more than I have.

[ and nom, touka didn't tell him ]

Alright. I didn't tell you before because I was worried.[ he will send the address, though ]

Is it going to be a secret, that we are dating?

[YOU SAID IT.]

Σ(゜ロ゜;) HA, YOU SAID IT. I'm keeping that text as proof.

[Did you expect him to be shy about it?]

Eeeeh. If you wanna keep it a secret, we can. ...

Touka might freak out. And the Big Guy will probably tease me for weeks about it--

Oh right, you still gotta' meet him.

Don't be embarrassing. I'm not sure what I want right now. I think it's for the best to take a moment, not let the excitement take over. Until we see how things are with us. Good?

 Like asking a goldfish not to swim.

But you're right. It's not like I'm gonna' announce it over the network, so don't worry about it.

...

Guess more or less I'm just glad you accepted at all.

Yeah. We're good.

I'm not saying to hide it, just - not go out of our way to tell others.

Edited 2015-06-14 13:10 (UTC)

[ and now he'll be writing something seriously embarrassing and he is so glad this is text ]

Nagachika, I'm sorry sometimes I stalk you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I live, and I'm sorry sometimes I disappear. I just want to keep you safe. You are the most important person in my life and I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I don't know or think about love anymore. I do [ WOW how does he write this?????? ]

I love you. I just never thought about it this way because I don't think about it. You know, romance. And dating. I didn't think that I could or should, so I just put that aside. It will take a bit and I'm still very shocked, I guess. And I think if I was normal, things would have been obvious to me, before. But I love you and I can't really think about living without you. [ A PROPER CONFESSION EXCEPT IT'S TERRIBLE ]

[He's never gotten a confession before, to tell the absolute truth, and he's left staring at his phone as the long lines of text appear on his phone. He's not expecting it; not from Kaneki, not after all the fighting he had to do to even make the other realise that this was okay.

And yet, there it was, on his screen. Words that not in a hundred years he'd expect Kaneki to be writing to him.

I love you.

It's there twice. Not just once, twice.

Maybe it's not the neatest in delivery and maybe it's not the most sensible one--but. It's a confession all the same.]

[But the feeling in his chest is one that he's smart enough to recognise as his fingers grip the bright orange phone between them; and it might take him a moment to respond, but he won't leave Kaneki hanging. Not after that.]

 I'll just have to remind you, then. What it's like to think about romance and stuff, huh. I don't think I mind something like that.

Sheesh... you're the last person I'd expect a love note from, now I'm put on the spot. ...I'm happy, though. To hear you say it. And so I can say it back.

I love you, too, buddy. I don't want you to have to live without me, either. 'cause I sure as hell can't handle life without you. And that's why back home, I didn't give up looking for you. And I won't.

...But it's a good thing we have each other here.

[He'd finally gotten you back.]

Ps, be a little more subtle with your stalking, I've caught you a few times.

I don't know if it's a love note. Maybe I should have written it in the paper and called you behind the school building to give it to you. Or put it in your locker room. Anyway, let's see how I do with all of this. You will need a lot of patience, though. And good to know. At least telling you I have stalked you a couple of times didn't come out as creepy as it could have been.

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